Showing posts with label songpersonality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label songpersonality. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Moodboard


Been obsessively reading and pinning quotes on pinterest lately, and just doing a lot of self-reflection in general and thinking a lot about what I want in life. Also, can I just say that Adventure Time is probably the best cartoon ever. Learning all my life lessons from AT at the moment.

"Sometimes, you want someone and you want to kiss them, and be with them, but you can't. Because responsibility demands sacrifice." - Princess Bubblegum, Adventure Time



Everything seems fine now, and it feels so comfortable, so dangerously comfortable. It'd be so easy to just slip back into how we were like before, but the truth is things have changed now. And if we continue on like that, I know it'll end up in hurt again. Logically I know that. I remember a time when I very wisely advised RJ to just end things for her own sake, and here I am, doing exactly what she did. Like what am I doing seriously. I think sometimes we just need to learn from our own mistakes, and like she says, at some point you'll realise enough is enough. 




Friday, June 21, 2013

A midsummer child


And so, quietly, my twenty third year of existence creeps up on me. To be honest, I've never thought much of birthdays, not for myself at least. And other than for my twenty-first, when it felt almost obligatory to at least hold a small party, I don't really celebrate it. Well every year the family buys a small cake and I make the same wish and blow the candles out, and that's it. Does it make me feel older? No. Do I feel any more mature? No. What then is the use of marking my birthday? I don't know.

I think age (and time) is a thing that slowly creeps up on you. Every birthday marks the passing of another year, and depending on what you did in that year you might feel like you've matured or you might not. There is no real correlation. I suppose your birthday serves to remind you that time is precious. I would like to think that I'll remain forever twenty one, but I guess one is only young for that long. And once youth passes there is no turning back. The marking of time makes me anxious. It feels like there's so much more yet to be done, so much more I want to do while I'm still young, but the clock is ticking and time is running out. While it is true that there is nothing stopping me from doing whatever I want to do even when I'm older, it feels like we all have a timeline of sorts to follow. A timeline imposed biologically, even if not socially.

I guess maybe being twenty three feels like a milestone of sorts, what with graduating from university, stepping into the "real world" and all. Life has been really good to me for the past twenty three years, and I count my blessings often. I've led a very comfortable life, a sheltered one, thanks to loved ones. But from hereon I guess I have to stand on my own feet, and decide for myself how I want to go on in life. There are days when I question some of the decisions I've made, and the path I've chosen to take, and I wonder if I'm doing what's best for me. But what is "best", really? There is no way of finding out. There is no way of rewinding time to try another option. Everyone only has one chance at life. I guess the only thing to do is to believe in myself and forge on ahead. And we shall find out. #noregrets

Monday, April 1, 2013

Alexithymia

Trapped by Nathan Sawaya
Maybe you've felt like this before. Or maybe you know someone that feels like this now. There's always a way out, we just sometimes need a little help to find the way.

So the other day I finally got to visiting the lego art exhibition I've been wanting to view. It was very interesting, to say the least. And a little nostalgic, to be reacquainted with a dear childhood toy. The human form figures very heavily in the artist's works, and you begin to realize how amazing it is, when you think how the curves of the human body have been sculpted out of tiny rectangular bricks, making them look like three-dimensional, albeit pixelated, copies of the real thing. And the above piece is perhaps the one that resonated the most with me. Perhaps because the feeling of being trapped is a familiar one.


Would that I could just spill my guts out like that too, without having to resort to words. Wordsmith of sorts I would like to think I am, but when it comes to describing my own feelings it seems words fail me.

There were many fun pieces as well, and other interactive installations, and yummy food that J and I ate. More on that in another post. 

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Moonless midnight


Some times even I don't know what I want, or feel, or think, so I don't expect others to understand me either. Like now. I'm a very confused being in general.

Or maybe I'm just so sick of school and bored of studying that I'm being melodramatic (as usual) ( T ε T )

今日はちょっと悲しい。はあ〜
私には、どう考えたってわからない。
思いあまるね。
心が痛む。でもどうしてわからない。
恋かな。
知らないよ! これはとても難しい。

Thursday, November 8, 2012

November rain

When you love something and you lose it.
When you start to depend on something being there in your life and suddenly one day it's not, and you find yourself utterly lost.
Why do we attach ourselves to things and people knowing that one day they will leave?
Just the thought of it makes my heart squeeze and tears well up behind my eyes.
Maybe we all can't help but be fools.

I can't help struggling with it. Pushing things away even when I want them. Because the brain knows the danger of being too attached to things, but the heart whispers you know you want it. They say a thing is only as complicated as you make it out to be. My brain does a fine job of constructing a rhombicosidodecahedron all on its own. (Yes I googled that word and I like it 'cause it sounds fancy)

Maybe it's the weather that makes one feel so melancholy.
Nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain

Monday, September 3, 2012

Darling it's you ♪

Listening to: Darling it's you - David Choi and Clara C

"I hate it when people worry about me - makes me aware of how vulnerable I actually am"
Guess I can relate.

-----

有时还真是爱砖牛角尖,和自己过意不去(笑)
睡了一觉过后,世界又重现光彩!哈哈
谢谢大家的关心 ,不好意思让大家担心了!
m(_ _)m

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Self-reflection

flickr.com/photos/vanityblue

In a conversation with the girls one day, we unanimously agreed that we do not like showing our weak side to people. On further thought, it is not only my weak side that I hate showing; I also hate showing my ugly side.

We talked about our flaws today, and I realise how truly flawed I am. I have never been under any sort of delusion that I am flawless, but until today I have never thought that I had such a long list of flaws. But when forced to articulate your flaws, to think on it and say it out loud, all these ugly words tumble out; coarse, vulgar words that paint you black. 

And maybe I am changing for the worse. More cynical, more willing to believe the bad in others, more willing to condemn, where before I always assumed people were good and nice till something proves otherwise. When did this happen? When did I become so critical and judgmental? I do not know. Did it occur the moment I stepped into law school? Is it the people around me? Can I blame it on my environment? I would like to, but that would only be a half-truth. I think the majority of the fault still lies with me, in letting myself be swayed and influenced. And I am not sure that I like the sort of person I'm becoming.

-----

"The best you can hope for in a relationship is to find someone whose flaws are the sort you don't mind. It is futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone who is capable of significant change; that sort of person exists only in our imaginations."
- Scott Adams

Monday, August 20, 2012

Every once in a while

There are some people who are thrill-seekers. People who constantly seek the thrill of jumping off cliffs, the addictive adrenaline rush and the heart-in-mouth feel of falling. They might not care even if no one is there to catch them at the end of the fall. And it may hurt, but because they are thrill-seekers they will just get right back up and scale that cliff to fling themselves off again.

I do not belong to that category of people. But every once in a while, one gets tired of being so cautious and guarded all the time. Sometimes irrationality sets in, and when an opportunity comes along, one might just throw caution to the winds, and take that leap of faith off the cliff, eyes closed arms spread out, and hope blindly that the person you decide to leap off the cliff for will be catching you in a rock solid embrace at the bottom. 

And if no one catches you, you simply land on hard ground, with a few bruises here and there, but you will not die. You will only remember why you wore that cloak of caution in the first place, and scurry to put it on again. But every once in a while, you will get tired of it. And the cycle of irrationality begins again.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Wardrobe clearance!

Before and after

So after one year of not tidying my wardrobe it ended up looking like that (see 'before' picture). And because I decided to hold a clearance sale at the flea market this coming saturday with Tang, Jane and Lingie, I was finally forced to do something with this...mess. No actually, it is organised chaos. There is an order to the mess. Except for maybe the bags. Yeah so I ruthlessly cleared out clothes I know I'd most likely never wear ever again to be sold dirt cheap at the flea. I also threw out bags and set the newer ones aside to be sold at the flea, so the current bag count is now 40. And it doesn't look like 40 bags in the 'after' picture because there are bags within bags within bags! #inception hahah (which I still have not watched, but I digress) What an ingenious way of storage right! Except I haven't figured out what to do when I want to use the bag which contains the bags that contain bags...

Details of the flea
Date: 19 May, Saturday
Time: 2pm - 8pm
Venue: *scape
Selling: dresses, tops and bags

If you know me, you'll know that I border on being obsessive-compulsive about my things, so most of the stuff I'm selling are in really good condition, and some are new/unworn. So friends please come and support if you have the time!

Dresses that had hangers - there's another pile in the background 'cause I ran out of hangers
i've cleared maybe about half?one-third? of my dresses and i'm proud to say that i do not need to double-hang my dresses anymore and I actually have spare hangers! But my dresses only make up like maybe, a third of my wardrobe. So. I'll get to the other two-thirds eventually.

And I'm keeping some dresses I don't wear anymore to be altered by me into something I'd wear. Although I don't know when I'll actually find the time to do it...

Bags #shopaholicbreakdown

Miki joining in the party

And I am such a hoarder I collect even pretty paper/plastic/recyclable bags wtf. So those who buy from me will be getting their purchases in pretty bags (-_-") This year I promise myself to hoard less so no more.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Monochrome.

I don't really have much to blog about, tbh. Guess what my new tripod and remote control is good for? Selfies, that's what. Remote control! You just stand as far away as you want and click! Your picture gets taken. No 10-second timer and running into position yo. I'm taking selca to a new level.

ootd
Funny how the stereotypical outfit of lawyers is that they all wear black and white. Which I guess is partly true; it seems like a safe fallback even if one is not doing litigation, to dress up in black/white 'cause somehow it seems more...professional? Stereotype. Haha. For me I love the monochrome, and I always go back to it when I get tired of my colours and prints.

Oversized white shirt: Zara (got it at a steal at the Hong Kong airport during transit!)
Black skinnies: bugis street
Twilly: Hermes
Leopard print sneakers: Pull and Bear
Teal bag: Mitju
Black frames: random pair bought in Hong Kong that I got fitted with real lenses

短足。はあ〜

Sometimes, you can tell from the way people talk to you that they think you are stupid. Sometimes I suspect I might really be stupid. Or rather, slow. Okay no, I'm just really lazy and I don't use my brain enough. I'm sure there's untapped potential somewhere. Or maybe not. Okay I don't know what I'm saying, and if you read that, you just wasted 10 seconds of your life. I need to get over this inferiority complex. Period.

Also, I do not understand why some people keep updating their FB statuses about how much work they have and how busy their schedule is and how tired they are and how tough their life is. 'Reports due, essays due, exams in __ days. __ deadlines in __ weeks. Long days. Late nights' and etc. So you do it occasionally and people will comment with words of encouragement. But if you do it multiple times a day, and every day of the semester, what do you expect people to say really? I like to whine and complain too, but at least I don't announce it to the whole world on FB. Sometimes I do it here, but i'd like to think not a lot (and if you don't like it then don't read). And I thank the heavens for my tolerant friends who always put up with my moodswings. But really, everyone's having a hard time too so just suck it up #firstworldproblems #bitchy

Yes this is highly enhanced so my hair colour looks brighter. The colour of my eyebrows are uneven, I probably should do something about them...

Today I came home, fed the cat, drank a can of beer and fell asleep. Well on my way to becoming a ひもの女 (himono-onna). Also, because I got home right before it started pouring, I feel justified not going to the supermarket. Hence I'm eating black pepper instant noodles with egg and meatballs right now. No pictures 'cause instant noodles is a #domesticgoddessfail

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The Dreamer

have i ever posted this? i took this test long ago, and occasionally i read it again and reflect on how true it is.

INFP

INFPs focus deeply on their values, and they devote their lives to pursuing the ideal. They often draw people together around a common purpose and work to find a place for each person within the group. They are creative, and they seek new ideas and possibilities. They quietly push for what is important to them, and they rarely give up. While they have a gentleness about them and a delightful sense of humor, they may be somewhat difficult to get to know and may be overlooked by others. They are at their best making their world more in line with their internal vision of perfection.

Living
INFP children often create their own fantasy world and live very much within it. They may daydream about what is important to them, and sometimes others wonder if they are in touch with reality. They often get lost in their thoughts and books, and may develop a special ability in communicating, such as writing. They are somewhat reserved, especially in new situations.

INFPs decide early on what is important for them, what is of value. They tend to rely on themselves for direction and are reticent to ask others for help. They would rather do things themselves, to make sure they are done properly. INFPs have found this to be both a strength and a curse. Depending only on themselves and being careful not to show mistakes to others is important. As teens, INFPs may have a bit of a rebellious streak. They may argue with those who hold different values than they do. They are also likely to have a small, close set of friends with whom they share good times. In the comfort of those close relationships, they can relax and are often quite entertaining, since they see the world in a different and special way. Their sense of humour is readily apparent. However, unless an INFP finds an appreciation for his or her uniqueness and personal values, he or she may feel like an odd person out.

When they set their minds on things, INFPs are not likely to give up easily, yet because of their outward gentleness, they do not show their determination. They may not take a direct path, but somehow they reach their dreams.

As young adults, INFPs may have some difficulty finding the ideal career and the ideal mate, in part because of that very word 'ideal'. They have a vision in mind of what they want, yet reality may not follow suit. They may make several starts and stops in their career until they find a comfortable place for themselves.

INFPs have a need for perfection in connection with their personal values. They become frustrated with those who dwell on trivialities.

INFPs need a purpose beyond the paycheck. They become burned out easily if their job does not fit their value system; they may not feel good enough about what they have achieved and, as a result, may undervalue themselves and their contributions.

In retirement, INFPs need to look back and feel that they have led a worthwhile life that has made a difference. They want time for a variety of activities, including travel. They may also be very attached to their family and enjoy special visits with them.

Learning
INFPs learn best in flexible situations where they know the teacher takes a personal interest in them. They like to be able to interact with their peers, but not too much so. They want to feel free to dig into subjects that are of interest to them. Having both flexibility and creativity rewarded is encouraging to them. While they may not enjoy deadlines, if they value the assignment, they will meet those deadlines. Deadlines may force INFPs to decide that their work is 'good enough' to turn in.

Subjects that hold a great deal of interest for them are learned readily. They will often do extra work in their attempt to learn as much as possible about something of interest. And they often read assignments carefully and them work their creativity into the given framework of the assignment. Thus it may appear that they did not pay careful attention to the details of the assignment in their reinterpretation. It is best if they have teachers who appreciate their unique approach and who do not hold them to the letter of the law.

Working
At work, INFPs contribute their creativity, their value system, and their ability to work with others. They are able to see the larger picture and how specific programs fit in. They do not dwell on the trivialities or the details. Their job must be fun, although not raucous, and it must be meaningful to them. They need a strong purpose in their work. They want to be recognized and valued, without undue attention given to them. They may become embarrassed when made the center of attention. As a result, they may undersell their strengths in order to avoid being singled out and made to feel conspicuous. They would rather have their worth be noticed gradually over time.

INFPs like to work with cooperative people committed to the same values that they are. They can become bothered when they see others working at cross purposes, especially when conflict is overt. They do not like competition or bureaucracy. They need privacy. Calm and quiet appeal to them, as does time and space for reflection. People usually like working with INFPs even though they may not know them well.

INFPs are quite disorganized. But when tasks at hand are important and best done in an organized way, INFPs strive to do so. Practicality is not a driving force for INFPs. Things that traditionally belong together may not be placed together because the INFP does not see it as necessary. They have trouble finishing what they start because of their perfectionistic nature. When they do finish a project, they may not consider it done 'for good.' Projects can always be improved upon, revised, and reworked, and therefore INFPs find it hard to bring tasks to closure. Because they are able to visualize the finished product long before it is done, the actual completion is of less importance.

INFPs prefer occupations in which they can be involved in making the world better. Having their heart in their work is important to them. These occupations also allow for an element of creativity and flexibility. INFPs are particularly interested to be counselor, editor, education consultant, English teacher, fine arts teacher, journalist, psychologist, religious educator, social scientist, social worker, teacher, writer, and other occupations that engage their values.

Leading
The INFP leadership style is subtle, gentle, indirect, and inclusive of others. INFPs do not confront people head-on, but rather work with them and through them to get the job done. Their style is not an aggressive one but is highly persistent; only reluctantly do INFPs assume leadership roles.

They lead with their values in mind, and these guide them. They prefer not to take a hands-on approach with others but to allow them to achieve in independent ways. They are facilitative rather than directive. They encourage others by appreciation and praise. Critiquing others does not come easily to them.

INFPs seldom confront situations directly, in part because they do not like conflict. Whenever possible, they would rather wait for a situation to work itself out, since they trust that people will work things through. They do not like following all the rules and regulations, but they are not overtly rebellious. They seek to get things done in their own style.

Leisure
Leisure activities are very important to INFPs, but at times it is difficult for them to separate work from play. When a new leisure pursuit is found, INFPs typically do a great deal of research. They may read many books and make several phone calls to dig for information.

Many of the INFPs' leisure activities are done alone --- reading, listening to music, and gardening are some activities likely to appeal to them. Reflection time and the opportunity to make sure things are right are important. INFPs often enjoy leisure pursuits with loved ones as well. When they want to be sociable, they can be exceedingly charming and outgoing. Their flexibility, gentleness, and sense of humour can make them quite popular in social situations.

Loving
For the INFP, love is a very deep commitment, and one that is not easily attained. They have ideals, and therefore reality may be carefully scrutinized.

With their ideal firmly envisioned, the first date with that special person is carefully planned and prepared for, and often every aesthetic thing is taken care of. The flowers are in place, the right wine is ordered, and the proper meal is prepared.

INFPs may have difficulty sharing their feelings about others. They keep so many of those feelings inside that they may forget to tell their partner how much they love and appreciate them. They also need reminders of their partner's love.

When things go wrong in a relationship, the INFP takes it to heart but does not readily discuss it with others. They may not be willing to communicate to let others know how they are feeling. When scorned, they are very hurt and may overreact in an almost maudlin way.

Monday, January 2, 2012

年末年始

so i finally got down to spring cleaning (大掃除 aka おおそうじ).

to-tidy list for the day: desk & bookshelf
- notes
- books
- knickknacks

to-tidy list for tomorrow: wardrobe
- clothes
- bags

when did we grow so attached to things? things that have little invisible bits of sentiment attached to them, as if the memories will be forgotten the moment i throw them away (although they probably will, given my memory). and the irony is, why am i even hoarding these things when i don't even keep in contact with most people?

every year i try to be heartless and clear out stuff, but it seems like my pile of things never grows smaller. well i succeeded in clearing out a whole pile of ancient christmas cards from people i've not contacted for the past 10 years, but i still found myself with boxes of old letters, travel brochures, notebooks, letter pads, pens that no longer work, random souvenirs...and the list goes on.

i know i am a hoarder, more so than most people. heck, i even hoard bits of ribbon, paper bags, scraps of fabric with nice prints, wrapping paper, magazine cutouts, old clothes...maybe because i see the potential use for them in my craft work. but i'm running out of space to store my buttons and lace and whatnot. it certainly doesn't help that i'm a shopper too. so i buy AND i hoard. like some kind of squirrel that obsessively hoards nuts for winter. but it's not like my survival depends on it. right?

i'm gonna quit this habit.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

stray balloon.

yesterday we had dinner at ecp, and after dinner we took a short stroll along the beach.

going back to a place of past, staring at the huge mound of sand, i realized what a heartless person i can be. or must seem to be.

i've never been one to look back and dwell much on the past. yes, occasionally i do reminisce and wish i can return to different points in my life, my childhood, days in st nicks, etc., times when i felt happier. but perhaps they were more of wistful thoughts than any real desire to go back in time.

and it is the same for people. people i meet, on different occasions, at different points in life, doing things together. people i formed a bond with at one point or another. it's like the moment the common interest or activity holding us together ceases, the bond that ties me to them breaks as well, and i find myself floating away like a stray balloon. how is it that everyone else is still able to stay together, while i am blown away by the wind? and no matter how they call to me, try to catch hold of me, i am out of reach, floating away, riding on the caprice of the wind. away, always away.

or maybe it is not the caprice of the wind at all. maybe it is my choice, maybe more conscious than not. because there are still groups of friends and individuals i keep in contact with, and they are people dear to my heart. people i make the effort to stay in contact with. i guess i am just self-centred after all. i choose the people who stay, and i walk away from everyone else without looking back. maybe it's always been like that. but i do not know how else to live my life. somehow, i always end up floating away. hello how are you, my name is Elusive.

but that is not to say i forget. i remember every group of friends, each individual i've met. at some point in my life our paths crossed, and there must be some reason for that chance meeting, however brief. and even if the reason remains unknown.


i'm just constantly fading in and out of people's lives.

Saturday, December 24, 2011



i've been procrastinating. as usual. i guess that's all i ever do really, run away, when i think things won't go my way.

but i promise i will start doing something about...all of me. my messy room, bursting wardrobe, resume, applications, my attitude, my life in general. i will take stock and revamp everything after christmas. after this weekend.

for now i will just continue lying in bed with my genmaicha and good book.

Monday, November 21, 2011

terminally.


link

girl why you no sense of urgency?!
seriously i'm sleeping so much it's not even funny.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

罪悪感。

私は、気ままで、いつも自分勝手。それに一徹短慮。知ってるよ。認めます。はあ。

Thursday, October 27, 2011

私の危惧。

やっぱり、まだできませんでした。講演がぜんぜん上手じゃない! π_π どうして!どうやってよくなるか?!危惧がまだ打ち勝てない。ありが症があると思う。あるいは社会不安障害(social anxiety)でしょう。全部症候があります。どうするか?!ほんとに嫌い。:(

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

devastated.


link

sometimes, i think i feel too much. for things i come across once in a while.
pictures, news, articles, writing...
things that move me to tears, 'cause they make me so sad, or so angry, or so touched, or everything all at once.
so much so that i feel like my heart is going to burst from the overflow of emotion.
i've always thought of myself as quite cynical...maybe even jaded, in a such-is-life way. but apparently not.
should i be glad that i haven't turned stone-hearted yet?

and yet the burden of emotion is so hard to bear.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

vacuity and substance.



how i wish i could just vomit out the mess of words and thoughts onto plain paper, and they would get up, dance around, and settle themselves down into coherent sentences. oh, and know where they each came from so they can properly cite themselves in the process.

i am such a queen of procrastination someone should crown me for it.
yesterday i spent two hours clearing and cleaning my entire desk so i could study properly on it (and also redecorating my wall), but at the end of it i was too tired to do much.

Friday, November 5, 2010

panicpanic.

OMG WHAT AM I DOING.
i more or less wasted the entire week.
I NEED TO STUDY.
please studyyy.
sitting in the school library on a public holiday.
i just drank coffee.
but my eyes are closing.
dammit.
sometimes i get so pissed at myself.