A midsummer child

And so, quietly, my twenty third year of existence creeps up on me. To be honest, I've never thought much of birthdays, not for myself at least. And other than for my twenty-first, when it felt almost obligatory to at least hold a small party, I don't really celebrate it. Well every year the family buys a small cake and I make the same wish and blow the candles out, and that's it. Does it make me feel older? No. Do I feel any more mature? No. What then is the use of marking my birthday? I don't know.

I think age (and time) is a thing that slowly creeps up on you. Every birthday marks the passing of another year, and depending on what you did in that year you might feel like you've matured or you might not. There is no real correlation. I suppose your birthday serves to remind you that time is precious. I would like to think that I'll remain forever twenty one, but I guess one is only young for that long. And once youth passes there is no turning back. The marking of time makes me anxious. It feels like there's so much more yet to be done, so much more I want to do while I'm still young, but the clock is ticking and time is running out. While it is true that there is nothing stopping me from doing whatever I want to do even when I'm older, it feels like we all have a timeline of sorts to follow. A timeline imposed biologically, even if not socially.

I guess maybe being twenty three feels like a milestone of sorts, what with graduating from university, stepping into the "real world" and all. Life has been really good to me for the past twenty three years, and I count my blessings often. I've led a very comfortable life, a sheltered one, thanks to loved ones. But from hereon I guess I have to stand on my own feet, and decide for myself how I want to go on in life. There are days when I question some of the decisions I've made, and the path I've chosen to take, and I wonder if I'm doing what's best for me. But what is "best", really? There is no way of finding out. There is no way of rewinding time to try another option. Everyone only has one chance at life. I guess the only thing to do is to believe in myself and forge on ahead. And we shall find out. #noregrets