lamenting my plight.

things have not been going well of late.

for one i am still majorly sick. even though i've FINISHED MY MEDICATION. i'm beginning to think that this might be my penance for all the wrongs i have ever done and all my inherent flaws. i must be serving punishment for something. i mussttt. why else am i suffering like that??? (T__T) a hacking cough where gasping for breath just sets off another round of coughing is not funny. so is trying to choke out a sentence and having it end in a coughing fit. so is coughing till you puke.

miki just gave me the shock of my life by strolling out onto the planter. i live on the tenth floor by the way. so there i was, searching for her around the house, when suddenly i saw what i thought was her reflection in the glass. but the reflection looked odd, 'cause her back was to me, and for some reason she had her head between the metal grilles, and she was peering down as though enjoying scenery below. and it suddenly struck me in an uncomprehending way that she was outside the windows. had to calmly coax her back in and thereafter i went into another horrendous coughing fit from the shock.

i have not had a good sleep in three days. lying in any position gives me a nose block and does nothing for my coughing. my coughing exacerbates my sore throat. i have sore lungs and sore abs from coughing. i've been waking every other hour to roam the house and DRINK PLENTY OF WATER (yes people i know the only advice/help you can give me is to tell me to drink plenty of water and i swear i've been guzzling water like a hippo BUT IT IS NOT WORKINGG I ONLY HAVE WATER RETENTION *cries) and i think i've slept less than 4 hours every night for the past few nights.

i want to eat so many things but i can't taste anything. i scalded my tongue on porridge without noticing it. i can't smell anything, not even the pungent smell of nail polish remover.

i can't decide if this bout of sickness is worse than that awful fever i had last june. it probably is. at least i could sleep then, even if i was in a delirium for days. the present always seems so much worse. not to mention all the other current worries plaguing me. if i could take a sleeping pill, i would. to get a good night's rest. i'm sure everything would seem so much better then.

本当に惨め〜