The Agony of Waiting

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...and i'm just sitting here, waiting for the exam paper to come out. mind blank, feeling nothing. except the strong pounding of my heart. am i supposed to be scared? maybe, if i think about it. but my mind is refusing to think. i hope it unblocks itself later. i hope i have something to write.

for some reason i cannot seem to stay still. cannot seem to find a Comfortable Spot. but i think the library cafe will work for now. yesterday i studied at the library cafe. somehow a little brown bird flew into the library, and it was flying around. it didn't look like it was panicking (maybe it was enjoying the air-conditioning), but it did look like it was trying to find a way out. and in that moment, staring at it, i shared its feeling of being trapped. in what, i don't know.

on my way home, i had a Sudden Thought. lloyd's introduction to jurisprudence is a very good thing to have and to hold if one is walking home alone late at night. it's as thick and as heavy as a brick, and should some suspicious person try to attack one, a forceful smash on the head with it would be enough to knock the person out. ...of course, this is all for self-defence and i do not usually have such violent thoughts and tendencies. and then there's the irony of it being an introductory book.

and also on the way home, a cute little toddler being pushed in a stroller by her maid smiled up shyly at me and said Hello, and it made my day (: